Marriages are made in heaven. But the hard work for sustaining marriages is done right here on this planet. Anyone who has had a successful marriage will tell you that there is a lot of work required to make it last. So, while you are in love and are excited to plan the wedding and your future with your one true love, you might want to sit down with your fiancé and ask him a few questions. Questions that will help you understand each other better and possibly avoid a few hurdles down the path. And it’s always nice to know your partner, isn’t it?
#1. What are your goals in life?
People could have career-driven goals, like to be the CEO of an MNC or they could have passion projects, like seeing the world, one country per year. Your partner’s goals, be it short or long term, could interfere with your goals. An ideal situation would be where both of you have the same goals in life, but for other less than ideal situations, you should have this talk with your partner. Would you need to move to a different country a few years down the line? Would he like to go on a long vacation once a year? The idea here is for you to help each other plan and achieve goals or perhaps change a few goals to accommodate each other’s.
#2. How are we managing our finances?
This is a tricky topic and it is best to get this out of the way beforehand itself. You should know if your partner has had any debt, student loan that needs to be cleared, etc. How are they planning on paying for it? Do they require your help? What are the spending habits of your partner? Who is paying the bills? Who is taking care of the expenses? How are you doing the splits for that? Are you looking for joint accounts or would each one of you have a single account or both? This will give you a clear understanding of how you both will be managing finances.
#3. How do you cope with conflicts or stress?
Disagreements lead to resentment when conflicts aren’t resolved in a healthy manner. For instance, in the heat of the moment, you may forget that it’s not you versus your partner but rather you both as a team against your problem. Or you may end up bullying your partner or outsmarting them in a disagreement which again doesn’t help to resolve the conflict but just makes the bullied compliant and bitter. Speaking in a loud voice, taunts and sarcasm do more harm than good. So then how do you approach conflict? If things get heated, do you take a break and come back to it after some time? Do you think over it before voicing it out? What if it isn’t a conflict but just a stressful situation for your partner which is causing them to snap? How do you then be there for them?
#4. Do you want to have children?
Let’s not assume that people have this parental instinct that will kick in once they see their child. Often, partners do not want to have children or may prefer adopting children over having biological ones. Some even prefer having pets to having children.
#5. Are you religious?
If your spouse follows one faith and you the other, then whose faith do you follow? Or does each of you follow your own? And if so is the case, what about your children? Do they follow both faiths? These questions are tricky to answer but need to be addressed.
#6. What are your social commitments?
Opposites attract and that is why it becomes important to talk about your social commitments. Are you a party person while your partner doesn’t like being anywhere near a crowd? Do you love family get-togethers while your spouse hates them? You need to know each other’s comfort zone or the compromise one is willing to make.
#7. What is the deal-breaker?
For some, their spouse not wanting to change their name is a deal-breaker. For others, it’s their spouse not sharing in the house work. You may have an image in mind that both you and your partner are physically fit throughout life, while your partner may go easy on diet restrictions. Deal breakers are one way of knowing your partner’s expectations and wants from you and things they are completely not okay with, so tread lightly.
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